Why Open and Honest Roommate Communication Can Change Everything
Living with other people can be one of the most fun and challenging experiences we face. Whether it is a college dorm, shared apartment, or first place after moving out, the way we communicate with our roommates can shape our entire sense of safety, comfort, and belonging at home. Yet, most of us were never taught how to set boundaries, express needs, or resolve conflict until something goes wrong.
I created this packet after two clients and two friends came to me in the same week, each overwhelmed with tension in their homes. One client felt anxious about how to talk with her roommates about boundaries and shared responsibilities. Another was left scrambling when his roommate moved out without warning or a plan. A friend had been dealing with a roommate who had a guest stay for over a month and refused to help clean up. And another told me she constantly felt like she was walking on eggshells in her own home.
After helping one client come up with conversation questions to approach her roommates about roles and needs, I realized how many of us never learned how to set up a healthy living space with others. So I channeled my inner Sheldon Cooper, sat down in front of my computer, and spent the next ten hours creating a comprehensive roommate toolkit. Something that goes far beyond a basic agreement. A real, human, trauma-informed plan to help people feel safe, heard, and supported in the place they call home.
I did it because I know what it feels like not to have that.
My first college roommate experience was filled with tension. Two of the girls in our dorm constantly made passive-aggressive comments, leaving everyone else in the middle of the conflict. My second experience was worse. One roommate tried to take control of everything but never listened when others spoke. There were no shared expectations, no agreed-upon boundaries, and no communication that led to resolution.
I remember sitting on the floor of one roommate’s bedroom, hiding, scared of the other roommate yelling at us. We were whispering on the phone with our moms, in the closet, just so she would not hear us. I remember feeling trapped and powerless.
At one point, we had a flea infestation because that same roommate refused to care for her animals. I was the only one cleaning while my body was covered in bites. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and alone. I wish we had a clear plan. I wish we had a safe, supported space to talk about what was not working before it reached that point.
That is why I built this packet.
To help people talk about the things that matter. To help you and your roommates explore each other's values, expectations, and comfort levels. To create shared agreements. To make communication easier when things feel hard.
It is not about controlling anyone. It is about making home a space where everyone can exhale.
Whether you are living with friends, acquaintances, or strangers, you deserve to feel safe. You deserve clarity. You deserve peace in your living space.
This toolkit was created to support that.
From self-reflection pages and communication guides to an actual plan for what happens when someone moves out, it is here for you. Because you should not have to go through what I did.
And if you already have, then this might be the tool you needed all along.
